Today’s Life Jacket

I have today.
It’s so easy to get swept up in the diagnosis, the prognosis, the treatments, the appointments, the uncertain future. It is vital to remember that we have today, and through the fog of all the feels, we need to remember that that is a gift.
What are my choices today?
There are so many things that are beyond our control through the twists and turns of life, it’s good to remember what we ARE in control of. Make a list, even if it’s a list of trivial things, write them down. You have choices.
What am I afraid of today?
It seems strange to invite fear into the room, but frequently, fear is already present in the room, whether we invite it in or not. If we face our fears head-on, we are sometimes surprised at what we find beneath the surface. What we are afraid of is not what we have been giving airtime. We can’t necessarily make our fears go away, but we can say hello, acknowledge them, ask them what we are supposed to learn from them, thank them for their insight, and then ask them to sit quietly in the backseat of the car. No driving the car and don’t even think about touching the radio. (Car/Fear analogy from Elizabeth Gulbert’s Big Magic)
Am I giving my power away today?
It’s easy to want to give up and float down the rapids of a situation. It can be exhausting to keep up the vigilance needed to navigate situations, but it’s important to keep boundaries and don’t lose your voice. If you need space, ask for space. If you need help, ask for help. If you need time, ask for time.
Find joy today.
There have been times that I had to remind myself to find the joy in a day. Over the years is has become part of my daily practice but it took time. My favorite recently is the first time I notice the sound of breeze through the trees when the leaves first pop after a long hard winter. Living in Michigan, this sound is like a weight lifted off the soul. Embrace the curiosity of a child first discovering the world around them, you might surprize yourself.
Seek gratitude today.
Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It is tied to a feeling that can elevate the perception of our existence. Sometimes it may be harder to find gratitude but that is when it is even more important. As Joe Dispenza says “Gratitude is the ultimate state of receiving.” It is kind of akin to “If you build it they will come.” from the 1989 movie Field of Dreams. Gratitude begets gratitude with practice.

The Path to Normalization

This is an idea that grew over time after having numerous cancer diagnoses. They were each unique events in their own way, but I started to see a pattern by the third diagnosis. From there, with this understanding of the pattern, I could navigate more easily when upsetting things arose. Along with nonlinear stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, I have also experienced and mapped for myself the journey of normalization - shock, reflection, pining, space, and assimilation.

Shock - like an earthquake. Nothing feels secure. Foundational assumptions are gone. The comfort of the assumed future is gone.
Reflection - remembering the moments “before.” Comparing what it felt like - the ease and comfort taken for granted. The part of the brain that is now filled with worry pushes out the ability to think and perform tasks as before. There is a constant subtext now, like a radio playing in the background sometimes louder than other times, but always present.
Pining - this is where grief steps in. The longing for the “before”. Anger, depression, and sadness. Being able to feel, sense, and remember the “before” as if one could jump backwards in time. It feels raw, like an open wound.
Space - Only time can start to heal this transition from “before” to the current situation. At first, it is loud and ever-present, but over time, it becomes absorbed into the day-to-day. It is still there, but not as loud. The heart still aches, but it is no longer as sharp. This is how the human spirit can survive such moments. We shift into assimilation over time. We get farther away from the “before”, with more experiences and memories of the current filling our timeline. We begin to familiarize ourselves with the new terrain and routine. This all takes time and space.
Assimilation - One’s identity shifts into the current and farther away from the “before.” Note that we still have autonomy over what that identity looks like, but it is no longer what it was “before.” We are no longer in shock. We have morphed into the next phase, which depends on that person’s individual journey: depression, empowerment, anger, resignation, and many more. There is the new normal.